Snow Day!

NC got hit with a large (for us) winter storm last night and Raleigh ended up with a good bit of snow! We have been laying low eating soup and cookies and playing in the snow when we got the chance. It's been a great day!

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Kitchen Reveal!

OK so I am jumping the gun a teeeensy bit here because the WHOLE kitchen isn't quite finished yet. BUT we did the whole dining room side and I LOVE it. I can wait no longer! You might remember the unfortunate GOLD pain (HA! that should have read "gold paint", but I think that typo was more accurate) we have been living with in our kitchen/dining room for the past 3 years. I don't know how we ever made it that long. Here is a refresher:

And now here is the new look! I mean seriously, I don't even have words. This paint looks SO good that it makes the old paint look worse. As if it wasn't already bad enough. Come on spring! Doesn't it just make you want to go work in a garden or something? The color is Valspar's Dancing Mist. Yay!

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Mishmashmush Much?

It's only Wednesday and this week is already a blur. Our weekend was insanely busy with Jerry at work all day Saturday, a friend's birthday, us both in the band on Sunday and then Oscar coming down with his first fever of 103.6 on Sunday night. Monday started with a visit to the Pediatrician and trip to the grocery store followed by a visit from a Plumber. Tuesday we celebrated O's birthday and tried to relax a bit, but with him still coming down from his fever it's hit or miss. Today was another visit from another plumber and a temporary fix so we can finally wash dishes and do laundry again!

I am exhausted and yet feel pretty together. I feel great knowing that I can finally clean my kitchen and get some things done. We have a party scheduled for Saturday to let Oscar celebrate with his friends, but we're playing it by ear. We want to make sure he is totally better! Thankfully, his 1 year well visit is Friday so we'll know for sure at that point.

I just have so much going on in my brain right now and I don't know where to put it all. I want to talk about Sunday. I want to talk about the projects we have on the horizon. I want to post pictures of the AMAZING paint in our kitchen. And I will. I promise, I will.

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The Day that Changed our Life....

One year ago today, as of this minute, I was well on my way to becoming a mama to the most amazing child. I know every child is the most amazing child to their parents. So on his birthday, please allow me to refer to MY child as THE MOST AMAZINGEST OF ALL CHILDREN EVER.(I realize that his actual birthday is tomorrow but as of this hour, one year ago I was in HARD labor so it totally counts!)

One year ago today was one week before Oscar's due date. I was positive that he would be late and I would be faced with deciding whether or not to be induced. It was my biggest fear. I had no worries about a c-section because I knew I could work through any struggles I would be faced with and maybe I would get the epidural but only after I was dilated to at least 5 centimeters. I planned for everything. I still do. And things still go crazy and get off-track and I am forced to go with the flow. And it's hard and beautiful. Oscar was born via c-section after 26 hours of labor which included 10 hours at home, and 3 hours of pushing. I will never forget that day. I would love to say it was the perfect birth and exactly what I wanted. But it wasn't. And that is ok.

We don't always get what we want. And sometimes what we want isn't enough. It's too small a thing for me to have been granted my perfect birth because I guarantee I would have taken credit for it. I would pat myself on the back for planning so well and being informed. I would be smug, arrogant and most likely judgmental. I know this about myself. I do it all the time. It's not a pretty side of me and it was one that God decided did not need to be present at Oscar's birth. I've talked about it many times here, but as I am remembering again now, a year later it's ever so much clearer. This year has changed my life.

A marriage is a choice between two consenting adults. Birth is bringing a completely clueless human into your life and teaching them how you live it. It's learning how to communicate with an infant and seeing through their responses the type of communicator you are. It is the ultimate mirror into your true self. It's humbling to realize that many of the things you think have it goin on are just plain silly. A child crushes pride, selfishness, bitterness, image, and status, yet in those moments of realization the most beautiful transformations take place. Child learns to trust and parents learn to love unconditionally.

Oscar you have a gift. Your joy is contagious and your eyes can brighten anyone's day. You have blessed our home and we will never be the same. It's hard to believe you are turning 1 Year Old in just a few hours. We are so thankful for you and believe that there are great things in store for your life. We only pray that we can guide you in the right direction while we are entrusted with your care. We love you more than we ever thought possible. - Mama and Dada

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An old pair of shoes....

I began singing in church at a very young age. I can't remember exactly, but I don't think I was a teen yet. I continued in the pattern no matter what church I went to at the time and usually enjoyed it. That is, until I started coming to Vintage21. I refused to join any ministries or serve in any way because I felt I was "burnt out". I came late and left before most people could gather their belongings. I have to admit, it was nice for a season to let that selfishness play out. But it was only a matter of time before my calling found me once again and I began singing with the band.

Worship has been my lifeline on so many occasions that I can't count. In times where I was running from God and nothing could touch me, a worship song could slice me in half in that surgical, I'm here to help you kind of way. So when I took time off after Oscar was born, again welcoming the reprieve, I was a bit surprised to find that God was indeed calling me to serve in this way again. I don't know why. It's not like life stops when you have a child. I just figured I would move on. But I should know better!

You would think that stepping into an old pair of shoes would be comforting and welcome. Many times in life, I think this is absolutely true. But like so much else after carrying and birthing a child, they just don't fit like they used to. This has been no clearer in my life than when I recently decided to take the leap and start singing in the worship band at my church again. It has been almost exactly one year since the last time I sang and for most (if not all) of you, the time has probably passed without notice. I don't bring this up to get any compliments or pats on the back. Just another phase of life as a mother and I feel the need to express it here.

Sunday, I will be on the stage while Oscar is in the nursery. I will have many more thoughts to overcome so that I can worship and in turn, lead others in worship. At no other time has this service been less about me. And I think that is just how God wants it. As I arrived at practice on Wednesday I expected my old shoes just waiting for me to fill. However, something strange happened.

I recognized the place but the fit was completely different. New faces, new songs, even a new stage! There would be a lot more than my jitters to overcome! OH, hello nerves! My voice tries to betray me. Along with my waistline, it has become relaxed and unforgiving when forced to go somewhere it doesn't belong. I am excited to get to know those talented people around me that I haven't had a chance to connect with yet. I am learning that even in this process of rejoining a ministry that I really love, I remain forever changed. I know that God is working in me through this process and I am trying to be humble and let Him do it. I am starting to wonder if comfort is the anomaly. As if to say that we are constantly in a state of flux save for a day of rest here and there.

The beauty of worship is that we are all just people. Singers and musicians who love to worship Jesus and are called to help lead others. It's a command and a privilege. I just hope that my heart is ready to stretch even more because I cannot wait.

*photo by geoff wood 

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Bath Bath Bath

Oscar LOVES bathtime right now. It's probably his favorite activity. Anytime he thinks of it he crawls into the bathroom as fast as he can and stands at the tub saying BAA BAA BAAA! He plays peekaboo with the shower curtain and sometimes cries when I deny him his beloved bath. It's pretty darn cute and a good incentive for me to keep the floors clean!

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Budgetary Obligations

This weekend, we worked on our Master Budget for 2010. We decided to do an overarching budget for the year and each month we will revisit and see what is working and what needs to be revamped. I am really excited about this year in particular because I feel like we really communicated well and came up with a plan that is realistic and achievable.

Part of my goal is to cut our monthly grocery budget by at least 40%. This month I did it (as long as I planned well and don't get anything else) and I feel great! Today's grocery trip should take us in to February and even over a little.

We also built in some savings for Christmas and a summer vacation! This is a first for us and it's really exciting. I think it will help me personally pass up some impulse buy because I know that money is going to something fun and not just another oil change.

I am still looking for a part time job, but as many of you mamas know, that can be dicey with a schedule that requires you to be home during office hours. I have a few resumes out there so, we'll see.

Overall, I am just really proud of Jerry and I for coming together this week and getting it done. Money can be a really volatile area of discussion and I feel like we are finally working together for our FAMILY goal. I love it. I love him. I am thankful.

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Let's Go for a Swim!

Last week Oscar and I got bored at our place. After finding my pool pass with 3 punches left, I decided to head to the indoor pool! Oscar had a BLAST and I know this summer is going to be all about swimming :-) I, as you know, grew up in FL and spent at least the first 10 years of my life underwater. I hope to share this love of swimming with our kids and so far, Oscar is totally in.

He really loved watching the bigger kids play catch and splash each other (even though they kept getting yelled at by the lifeguard). He sat on the steps and played with toys. We had a great time!

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What do you do when you don't do anything?

                                                                                                ***image via flickr

It's a real crunch time in the world right now. In the aftermath of the disaster in Haiti, my mind is left swirling with news reports, horrific images, insensitive commentary and political backlash. My imagination is racing with what-ifs and what-would-I-dos. But if I am honest, at the end of the day, my life isn't changed. I am not changed.

I've been thinking of this for several days now and have run it over and over in my mind. I feel guilt as I sit safely in my home feeling cranky because Oscar woke up 3 times last night. I feel greedy when I look at our wonderful new van and then later think, we can't "afford" to help as much as we should. I feel selfish when I stop short of putting myself "in their shoes" because it hurts too much to think of Oscar experiencing that kind of suffering. I feel human.

I haven't been able to so much as tweet about the crisis because I am numb to it all and I feel like a phoney. And that is a startling reality. When did I become so cold? Why am I reacting this way? Perhaps I am just dealing with the tragedy internally, or maybe I am refusing to deal with it. But the fact is, those thousands of people in Haiti simply do not get the luxury of "not dealing with it". And then I saw this quote on Twitter:

Wouldn't it be amazing if we were always this panicked to help others?

And that's what it is. I am a broken person. My heart is not where it needs to be. Before or after this tragedy. I am not panicked to help on this or any other Sunday and that needs to change.

Look, I applaud the efforts of those who have been led to help. We all need to do what we can and I don't want this to sound like I don't think we need to help the situation in Haiti. All I am saying is that all of this. All this death and destruction on a massive scale on our doorstep is happening, has happened and will continue to happen to millions of people the world over. One day it might be 9/11. Another Katrina, or a Tsunami, an Earthquake. Or a Stroke, Cancer, MS, Drunk Driver, Divorce. 

How can I run the race as a follower of Jesus to be all that He is to the people in need around me every single day? I fall so SO very short and this fact often causes me to recoil into the safety of my life and family. This is not the example Jesus set for me when He said, "...Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation..." But how do you preach the good news to a world full of hurting and dying people?

And I think it's not as much about preaching the good news, as it is BEING the good news. I am not at this place, but I need to be. I long to have the kind of heart that serves and seeks to change the world. To be the good news. To BE Jesus to those in need, after a tragedy and in every day life. To be there when the media dies down and the hype is replaced by another fresh story. To be there for the Hatians, the Indonesians, those still hurting in New Orleans, my  neighbors, my family. To truly follow Jesus. Every day.

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Reading time!

Now that Oscar is entering toddlerhood, my local library is getting regular visits from me again. After a comment from my friend Claire suggesting an idea book for toddler activities, it dawned on me that once Oscar and I got into a lil groove I completely stopped reading. I can see that he is really transitioning and starting new behaviors. Some are cute and exciting (walking), some are annoying, (learning to throw - anything, anywhere), and some are not good at all (getting frustrated and hitting me). SO it's time to start learning about mothering a toddler! Here is a list of the books I either own or checked out from the library:

The Happiest Toddler on the Bock - Karp













The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems - Hogg

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers - Hogg

Toddler 411 - Fields

The Baby Book - Sears






So far, I am getting the most useful information from the Karp and Sears' books. I really liked the Baby Whisperer books for when Oscar was younger, but I am having a harder time connecting now that he is getting a bit older. Toddler 411 is probably good for ideas but the behavioral stuff seems pretty surfacey and not quite what I need. I am on the wait list for a couple more at the library and have been enjoying getting back into 'research mode'. No, I don't think you have to, but I am the type of person that is comforted by knowledge. I like it when he starts to do something that might normally make me freak out but instead I can say oooh yeah, I read about this. How cool, he's normal! Trust me, it's the little things :-).

What are your favorite books for raising a toddler?

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Weight...wait.

Gah I am at a standstill! I lost 13 lbs at the end of 2009, but since New Years have done nothing. It's been too cold, I've been too busy, it's too light, it's too dark etc. BUT, you see I now have an incentive. We're hoping to start trying for Baby U number 2 in the not so distant future, but I need to be at fighting weight before that happens, which means for me at least another 17lbs.

Part of me thinks, why bother? But in the long run, I will have one energy sapper on the outside AND one on the inside. I don't want to contribute to any of that exhaustion, so I am back on the wagon. Not that I really fell off, but let's just say I am moving to the front. The idea of being rewarded with a wee lil baby is a pretty good motivator, no?

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Oscar's First Christmas!

Well THIS post has been a long time coming. I didn't just want to throw in Oscar's first Christmas in with the Roan Mountain recap, but now here we are 2 weeks before his first birthday and I STILL haven't done it! Ok so here we go!

We had a blast with Oscar at Christmas! He turned 11 months on the 26th so he was really a great age for the whole thing. We showed him how to open presents and he loved it! He spent the requisite amount of time playing with the paper and boxes before realizing that there were awesome toys inside!

He had 2 different present-openings. One at home before our trip with Monica and Ashley and one in the mountains with my family. They were both so much fun! This year it was more about our anticipation because of his inability to really know what was going on, but I look forward to the coming years and family traditions!

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Maintaining Order...

*image via flickr

So even though we've been back at the grind for a while now, I still feel like we just got through the holidays. This weekend was great, but by no means "normal" so as I look around our house I see lots and LOTS of unfinished business. Jerry and I were talking about the definition of "Spring" last night and where he (and most of the world) consider Spring to start sometime in March/April, I feel like it really starts with the new year. When I think of Spring, I think new beginnings and fresh growth. Coincidentally, I think those same things at the start of a new year, so in my mind January=Spring. Simple!

I already feel the itch to overhaul the house and clean/paint/get rid of things. Why wait til April? We've already started a bit by creating the playroom, but we have a lot of baby-proofing to do beyond outlet covers and I need to get re-organized in our new layout. So hopefully the next few weeks will be all about organization. That said, what is your favorite way to get organized? I would love some tips!

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Mission Accomplished!

Wow yesterday turned out to be an awesome day! I flew down to Atlanta to meet Jerry's sister Lori and nephew Jacob to pick up the van. The flight was even a little early so just as I was walking outside the airport, they drove up in the van! We said a few hellos and made the switch. Thanks again Jacob and Lori!!! I'm sorry we didn't get to hang more.

I sat in the van for a few minutes to get acclimated and more importantly, hook up the ipod. I was about half-way through the book Toy Monster and I wanted to finish it on the trip (which I did - interesting "read"). Once I was all ready to go I hopped on 85 and headed North! It was a beautiful day and a smooth ride. It just so happened that as I was heading into Charlotte I decided I needed to stretch my legs...what better place than IKEA? Oops, an hour and a half later I was back on the road with a couple extra pillow covers and a frame in hand. Yay! Let me tell you it was so hard to look at that big empty van and not fill it with goodies from IKEA, but we have to practice restraint now that we have a car payment. Limits, people!

"I couldn't help but notice that 'Echinsu Ocha' part. Did you just refer to me as 'White Devil'?" 

I didn't get to see Oscar before bedtime but I snuck in and covered him up and watched him breathe for a few minutes. So peaceful. He and Jerry had a great 'dude day' hanging out at home. Later that evening, Monica and Ashley came over to babysit so we could have a date! Jerry's band, The Whalewatchers played in the Raleigh Undercover as the Doobie Brothers! They did a fantastic job! The whole crowd was singing and bouncing along. The band that followed them did Black Sabbath which was also really fun. Of the five bands I saw, those were my favorites.

Jerry as a Doobie!

We had so much fun together and with our friends! It was just the little boost I needed after a long day on the road. Today I am just grinning. We are so thankful for our family and friends who take care of us!

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Becoming Mom: This is how we roll....

SO excited about tomorrow. It's going to be a crazy day but on the other side I will roll out in my new 2010 Honda Odyssey! What! That's right friends, I am full on embracing the minivan. In fact, I think we've even moved beyond the embrace. There will be definite caressing. It's a funny thing but we ended up buying the van from a dealer in Alabama, which means I will be on a plane to Atlanta to pick it up in the morning! And oh what will I do all by myself on a 6 hour drive? With Ipod hookups, cruise control and a new car smell?

Hopefully NOT die and go to heaven because I want to enjoy that smell as long as I can.

It will be the first new car either of us has had in 15 years. It's our first FAMILY car, and big purchase that Jerry and I make together. It feels good. I feel like a family. We are SO thankful for the people that helped make it happen. Just a big ol lovefest. In a van.

Yeah.

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Splashing on a Cold Day...

Here is another cool idea I stumbled upon somewhere on the Internet...I can't remember where I saw it, but when I did I filed it away in my memory for future use. I like chilly weather, but I am not built for COLD. And lately it has been just that. We pretty much stay inside except to get from point A to point B, those points being heated buildings or cars. I don't want Oscar to get bored though, so I am always on the lookout for fun things to do.

He loves bathtime and water in general so I pulled out his infant tub and put some towels down in the middle of the kitchen floor. We grabbed a few toys and got wet! I let Oscar go splash crazy and he loved it! I thought about stripping him down to his diaper but even inside it's a little chilly so I left his shirt and pants on. He got soaked and cold after about 15 minutes, but what fun it was! I am sure that if we find ourselves in a particularly long afternoon stuck inside, this activity will be just the trick!

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It's a good day to save some money!

This year, like most people, we are trying to reign in our budget. We'd been saving for a new car and as of Saturday, we will have one! After years of driving older/paid for vehicles, we are a little nervous about taking on a car payment. It's relatively low compared to many, but still more than nothing. So I am continuing to do what I can to curb spending. Since I do most of the Household management and spending, this responsibility falls squarely on my shoulders. I do an ok job, but I can do better. Enter coupons. I love using coupons, but I lack consistency, something I hope to change in the coming months.

Today starts a week of Super Doubles at Harris Teeter. You can get some great deals with a bit of work. I've done it before, but today has to be my best yet! I documented it for myself for those times when I think, man wouldn't it be easier to just shop sales? Yes, self. It would be easier, but not cheaper! Get thee to your newspaper! Once you get your coupons, check these sites for match-ups so you don't miss the free stuff! That's where it really adds up. Also, check each week for the freebies even if it's not your typical shopping week. If it's FREE then it doesn't matter! I also started a spreadsheet to keep track of my spending/savings to make sure I stay on track. This is the year of accountability. Let's do this.

2 boxes Celestial Seasoning Tea

2 1/2 Gallons Turkey Hill Iced Tea

1 Yoplait Yogurt Smoothie kit

4 pk Toilet Paper

2 boxes Ziploc Bags

1 Chobani Greek Yogurt

1 Oikos Greek Yogurt

1 Little Debbie Choc Cupcakes

3 boxes Lean Pockets

1 Lean Cuisine

2 Boxes Special K Cereal

2 Boxes Spec K Cereal Bars

3 Jars Ragu Spaghetti Sauce

2 Boxes Barilla Plus Angel Hair Pasta

2 Boxes Whole Grain Muellers Rotini Pasta

3 Boxes Pasta-Roni

1 Pkg Organic Valley Cream Cheese

1 Canister Lysol Wipes

1 Roll Paper Towels

1 Can HT Rolled Oats

1 Pkg Chinet Guest Towels

1 Box Band-Aids

4.5 lbs Boneless/Skinless Chicken Breasts

5 Bottles Northland Cranberry Juices

Total Before Savings: 132.78

Total Spent: $41.41

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All good things must come to an end....

It's the end of an era. The red bed is gone. 

Sometimes you just have to do the right thing. After Oscar's first Christmas, it became clear that our guest room, albeit adorable, was a silly waste of space. We needed that space. For what you ask? For playing and building and imagining. That's what!

The room is now an all-purpose family room which hosts our computer, music equipment a dog bed and toys! It's a play room for the whole family and we love it! Ahhh the times, they are a changin....

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He Walks!

Over Christmas, Oscar took his first steps! Grampa told him that he had to do it before we left Roan Mountain, and the very last night he did! He isn't walking independently but is getting more daring each day. Go Oscar go!

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Grace is .... Making the Best of It

Every morning when I go in to Oscar's room, he greets me with a smile. He jumps up and down and I nurse him and change his diaper. Most mornings, our "conversation" goes like this:

Me: Good morning Oscar, I love you!
Oscar: Dada Dada Dada
Me: Would you like some milk?
Oscar: (drinks for a while then looks around) Dada Dada Dada
Me: All done? Ok let's get you a diaper
Oscar: (whispering) da da da da DADA

We then walk into the bedroom to see DaDa. A VERY welcome sight.

A lot of moms might be frustrated by this. Even I have had moments when I think hey baby! Where's the Mama love??? But the fact is, children need their fathers. And humans need our Heavenly Father. We are wired for it. We are designed to yearn for the leadership and guidance of a Father and even our hearts wake in the morning searching for Him.

Recently, as I watched a husband and father choose himself over his wife and children and walk away, my heart was crushed for them. I have been walking with this sister for years and to see such a hurtful and tragic event happen to her breaks me. I have known rejection and it is a pain I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have nothing to offer but my prayers, my presence and my support. My heart grows bitter toward the man, though I know even my Father would advise me to love.

We are not meant to live without a Father.

God knows this. He knows our hardships and he knows our suffering. That doesn't make it easy, but we can remember His promises in the dark hours.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. - Joshua 1:9

And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19

God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. -1 Corinthians 1:9

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. - Psalm 119:50

We can't always choose how life happens to us. But we do have a measure of control over how we react to it. This is where grace comes in and our emotions go out. We can hurt, wail, cry and lament and God will hear us. But He doesn't stop at hearing. He gives us the grace to make the best of it. He comforts. He preserves. He supplies. He stays.

I don't have answers. I can't bring this father back. I can't say many of the things I really want to say. I can't predict the future. What I can do though, is pray that God the Father will not only fill in this massive void, but overflow this family with love, security, hope and peace. He can do that. And I believe He will.

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The Endless Vacation....

Jerry was able to save up a lot of vacation and take a giant 2-week chunk of time off over the holidays. That means we have been in vacation mode for quite a while now! He goes back to work on Monday and I will have to figure out how to take care of Oscar all by myself again. No more trading sleep-in days!

It really has been wonderful though. We were able to spend an amazing week in the mountains with family and friends and even have a few days at home to just chill out and relax. Yesterday we took Oscar to Marbles and Jerry went for the first time. We got a membership for Christmas (thanks Aunt Monica!) and I know this will be the first of MANY visits this year.

Overall, this vacation has made me so thankful. It's always fun to go on a trip, but having these few extra days at home together has made all the difference for me. We have been able to really enjoy each other and take some time to talk about this year and what we want and don't want. We are reworking the old budget and planning to buy a car. Oscar's first birthday is at the end of this month. We have projects to work on around the house. It's going to be a good year. I can feel it.

When we were in the mountains, Jerry finally got to meet what I like to call my extended family, aka The Raymonds. He really loved them and I am pretty sure the feeling was mutual. I had a blast watching some of my favorite people get to know each other and laugh and carry on. We played games, played in the snow, stayed up late talking and laughing. It was the best. Oscar had a blast too. He LOVES his Grampa and Grammy and all his cousins. He slept great and played hard. Below are some of my favorite pics from the trip. It was so hard to choose but these highlight the spirit of love and family that was oozing out of each one of us. Enjoy!

 

 

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