Did You know it's National C-Section Awareness Month?

Like approximately 1/3 of Mothers in the US today, I was introduced to my son upside down. And that one moment has caused the floodgates of emotion to well up in me many times (for many reasons) over the past 14 months. I want to talk about it though. Because while there are unfortunately many women who were not properly educated about the risks of c-section and might have been pressured to have one unnecessarily, there are the rest of us. Those who wanted natural childbirth and DID what we thought was necessary to make that happen, yet had a medically necessary C-section. Those who carry guilt and even shame in admitting to not having natural childbirth. Feeling the need to explain, yes I WAS educated and did everything "right" but I still needed a C-Section. And still feeling that people don't believe you. And since this is National Cesarean Awareness Month, I thought now would be a good time to have that conversation.

I do think a lot of my personal issue is internal pressure as I have admitted before. And many women are perfectly at peace with getting a c-section. So this post is not to condemn anyone for their feelings. But I would be remiss to say that it hasn't been really hard for me and I don't know, I think there are more women out there like me.  There is a post over at Momotics about the negative responses to C-Sections that struck a chord with me yesterday. (She will be doing one with positive responses soon, so bookmark it to get the other side of the story!) But as I was reading,  I was reminded of what a truly complex issue this is. And just like every natural/vaginal birth, every c-section is different. We can no more categorize these women than we can those who were able to birth naturally.

All of this is fresh in my mind because I am currently looking for a new Dr. We are hoping to have a second child in the relatively near future and I would like to find someone supportive of VBAC locally. I have been looking online for information and unearthed a lot of old feelings.

It's been a really interesting mental process for me. Whereas when I was pregnant/planning for birth with Oscar, I really didn't have many fears. I felt prepared and capable of letting my body do its thing. But now, after laboring for so long and knowing I had to relent to the unthinkable, I wonder if those experiences will tarnish my "2nd chance" provided I get one. One thing I know for sure is that birth is a powerful thing. The experience itself is far more powerful and lasting than I ever realized. I hope that every woman gets the birth she wants. But I also know that isn't realistic. In that case, I hope women who feel slighted would find hope and comfort in the fact that they are not alone. Their choices matter. Their voices are heard and they are not to blame. Sometimes we get the crap hand. But in the end our babies are beautiful.

Even upside down.

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Starting Over....Again...

We've been doing some spring cleaning over at the Updyke house in the past couple weeks. But not in the home. No, this is cleaning out the heart stuff. And man has it gotten dusty in there! Jerry and I have both seen a lot happen in our lives in the past year of having a child. We are learning, growing, changing. In a good way! We have personal goals and mutual goals and we support and push each other to get there. It's a beautiful thing.

I recently re-joined a gym and I am really stoked. I feel energized like never before (or at least not in a LONG time) and I am finding motivation in the most unexpected ways. Jerry has been working on his own goals and we have had some of the most wonderful conversations over the past weeks. We are really learning to focus on God and our faith and how to follow Him as individuals, but also as a couple and as parents. We're settling in.

I almost feel like the honeymoon is over. But not in a bad way! No, just the opposite. When we came home from our actual honeymoon almost 3 years ago, we were exhilarated to be home. To be starting our lives together as husband and wife. We had a great time, but there was so much more to experience together than a week on the coast. And that's how I feel right now. I feel like we have been married for a couple years. We have a son. Our feet are good and wet. And now the fun really begins. There is security here. Safety. And knowing that we can weather the storms we might face together.

That love, it's there and it's deep. It's lovey and sweet and ooey gooey and fun. But it's friendship, and honesty and camaraderie. It's hopeful and faithful and truthful and comforting. It's just what I need. And I am all settled in. I'll take 50 more years of this please. Yes.

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Keeping Busy

I am amazed at the rate Oscar is learning. He has started to really grasp inside/outside this week and has been stacking his cups and his favorite, Dada's CDs (which are conveniently located right at toddler eye level). He is playing with his toys differently too. I don't know if it's being around older kids from time to time or if something just clicked, but he is defiintely a little individual who knows what he wants.

His eating has drastically changed this month too. He isn't eating as much volume at each meal, but rather sometimes he eats a TON (like this mornings 2 waffles and a banana) and other times not much at all. He is heavy on the dairy and bread and light on the protein. He will still eat meat, but now shuns vegetables and beans. He loves peanut butter so I imagine we'll add more of that for now. I still offer a variety, but I am not going to worry, I know this to be normal and we'll just ride it out. We did try baby food veggies again to see if he would take to that, thinking it was a texture thing, but no go. One thing I am noticing is that he wants to eat the big pieces. If I let him take a bite of a big slice of something, he is more apt to try it. Go figure.

This week has been full of amazing weather so we've been outside as much as possible. Oscar has been back and forth with his napping, but being outside is a definite way to keep him happy. He LOVES running around in the grass and playing in the dirt. He's on the fast track to being all boy, that's for sure. And I am really enjoying the process! Today it's a little rainy, so we'll hopefully get some of our errands finished. It's been a good week. 

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A child's learning process....

It's so interesting to watch Oscar learn. I am constantly having to remind myself that something that looks like misbehavior can often be simply explained as scientific experimentation.

Lately, Oscar has been interested in trash cans. Not all trash cans. Just the ones with lids. Fun swinging lids that spin when you hit them just right (provided the trash isn't too full). I mean what kid wouldn't want to play with that? Unfortunately, this means the diaper trash can and the kitchen trash can. Gross and double gross. We are teaching him that we don't play with the trash. But as you know if you are a parent, repetition and consistency are key.

Fast forward to yesterday, when I sat on the floor to show Oscar how to put all of his magnets in his pot. He has his own stockpot with a lid that we keep down on his level. I thought it would be a good way to start teaching him about inside/outside and sorting. Right now all he wants to do is take them OUT of the pot. I put them in, he takes them out. And so that was that, no worries. We had fun and that was enough.

Until this morning. Suddenly, he got it. And what better way to experiment than with the trash. Poor Elmo bit the dust. With purpose, into the trash he went. Followed by UH OH UH OH UH OH! At first I went through the normal no-no speech about not playing with the trash. A few minutes later, one of the magnets met his doom. And later, when I handed Oscar a treat to give to Krusty (as he often does), he marched right over to the pot and threw in the treat! And come to think of it, several things have 'gone for a swim' lately too! Most recently a CD that ended up in the toilet.

AHA! Now I get it. He is LEARNING. Neat! Now obviously we have some course correcting to do, but it sure is fun to watch those dots start to connect. And if I have to wash a few toys in the process, I guess I can handle that.

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