Becoming Mom: On Discipline

Why do I feel like the "terrible twos" are here about 10 months too early? All of a sudden I have a very independent, opinionated and yes even sometimes defiant little boy on my hands. I am not quite sure where to turn at this point. I've darkened the doors of the library yet again to load up on parenting books, but haven't found the time to really read them. Or the interest for that matter.

I think what I really need isn't someone telling me what to do. It's guts. I need the guts to find out what kind of discipline Oscar needs and how to give it. I need the guts to follow through and stay consistent. I need the guts to keep reminding myself that sometimes the good guy has to look like the bad guy.

I know that children need discipline in their lives. They crave authority as long as it's provided with a heavy dose of love. I never in a million years could have understood how hard it would be to look my crying son in the eyes and deny him what he wants. Even if what he wants more than anything is to touch a hot oven. It is HARD. And I am the bad guy.

And I need to be ok with that.

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Separation Anxiety at 13 months old...

Oscar is experiencing what I'd like to believe is his peak of Separation Anxiety. Experts agree that it can start anywhere from 4 months of age and peaks around 13-15 months (usually) before tapering off. And after a particularly frustrating morning yesterday, I am starting to agree.

Couple that with the fact that we are in no-man's land for naps and we could have a recipe for disaster. Or be fine. You just never know. For instance, today Oscar will have 2 naps. He woke up at 6am and pretty much just laid on the floor in the kitchen just begging to be put down. So he is asleep. Other days he will play right on up until lunch and be fine. But the hard part is that you don't know what it will be until the moment comes.

Which makes it hard to go to church.

In hindsight, yesterday definitely should have been a 2 napper. But we decided to go to the 9:30 service based on the fact that it was closer to the time he woke up and we'd have a better chance of capitalizing on his good mood. But then that pesky little Separation Anxiety showed up and Oscar panicked when we walked into the building. We weren't even in the kid's area yet! This has been happening for the past few weeks and it's so frustrating for me. Since I stay home and enjoy the benefits of a relatively easy baby, I don't think I know how to properly deal with the fact that he hates the nursery right now. I want him to love it! To be social! To be everyone's favorite! Not the baby that cries all morning and probably drives the volunteers crazy. Yes, I know a lot of this is about me in the long run. I want to be able to relax and enjoy a 1 hour worship service. Is that too much to ask?

Honestly? Right now, yes. Oscar is normal. He is growing appropriately and learning about object permanence. And it's not as bad as it could be. He does fine in his crib and plays well on his own, though he does come and check in with hugs and kisses quite often! My theory is that now that he can really walk with confidence, he is starting to understand more about being apart and when we leave, he senses the distance. He does fine when we leave him with familiar faces like my Mom, Sister, or our friend Jessica, so I am thankful for that. It could always be worse.

I think another layer to my frustration is the possibility that I put too much pressure on the Sunday morning service. I look forward to it. And not just for the sermon. I enjoy the music, the atmosphere and yes, the social interaction. I just really really miss church! Being there and being present are two different things. I really get bent out of shape when we have to rush in and rush out because Oscar is losing it. And that's really not fair to him. I am the adult here. I have the ability to be logical and deductive and deal with it.

Yesterday was tough because Jerry decided to take charge and let me enjoy the service. The hard part for me though is concentrating when I know Oscar is having a hard time. It's not that I don't trust Jerry! I know he is fine. I just want Oscar to be ok without one of us back there. And then when they came in for the music, Oscar shunned me! Knife! Heart! I guess it was just too much for him and once he latched on to Dada, that was it. But you know? He is the baby. He gets to have time to learn and grow and figure things out. We are the parents, and we can deal with it. He will grow up before we know it and that time will come all too soon.

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Fruits and Veggies for a Toddler?

Oscar is a large child. He always has been and I love it. But I want him to be large in the strong sense and not so much the "in charge" way...He really loves protein, dairy and breads. We can do all kinds of meats, beans, rice, breads, milk, cheese and yogurt. But his Vegetable and fruit vocabulary has gotten decidedly smaller. Bananas are in, apples are in. Citrus is out. As are blueberries and grapes. I'm not really sure what else to try! Peaches are hit and miss. I am looking forward to summer and local foods more because I think they taste better.

As for vegetables, it's more about texture than taste. He will do very overcooked broccoli (I just learned by accident) and cooked carrots as long as they have cinnamon on them. Spinach is out, tomatoes are out (unless it's sauce), no potatoes, green beans or cucumbers either. He will eat the yogurt meals that sneak in fruits and veggies, but I have to be careful or we overload the dairy.

Do you have any fruit/veggie tricks? How do get your kids to eat more?

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