Separation Anxiety: An Update

So Oscar has been doing a little better with the whole separation anxiety thing. I've been hanging on to 15 months because I hear that is the magic number for a lot of babies to grow out of it. Oscar will be 15 months on Monday (!!!) and it seems like each time we leave him he does better and better!

This week we decided to keep him up a little late on Monday night so we could all attend our community group together. Jerry and I had been taking turns staying home with Oscar and that worked for a while, but we missed being able to engage in the discussions together. So we decided to see what would happen. Oscar did great! He played with Jude and even went upstairs to play in a completely separate room from us with another parent. Honestly, I never thought he would go for it, but up he went and we had a great discussion! Score one for Community Group!

But if I am honest, I couldn't get TOO excited about that because we were with people we know and love. Oscar is definitely more anxious around strangers so I knew the true test would be the YMCA. The past few times I have taken him he has been BESIDE HIMSELF with anguish, so we kinda backed off for a while. But this week, I wanted to try Zumba and Jessica was going to bring Jude so I knew he would at least have a familiar face in the nursery. He still cried when I dropped him off but apparently stopped soon after because he was totally happy to see me when I picked him up and they said he did great! YAAAAAY!! This is so so SO huge for me. I really want him to enjoy his time there and the interaction with the other kids while I can get a workout in. Less guilt = better workout.

Other than Jude, there is one more common denominator in the success of these two trips. And that is the fact that I allowed him to bring blanket and paci. Normally, these are nap/bedtime only props but I decided to see what would happen if I let them come along. I think it really helped him feel grounded when I wasn't with him! I wish i had a smaller blanket because his drags everywhere, and let's face it, I should probably phase out the paci sooner than later. BUT these things are working and this is one area where I couldn't care less what the experts say! Blanket and paci for the win!

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Separation Anxiety at 13 months old...

Oscar is experiencing what I'd like to believe is his peak of Separation Anxiety. Experts agree that it can start anywhere from 4 months of age and peaks around 13-15 months (usually) before tapering off. And after a particularly frustrating morning yesterday, I am starting to agree.

Couple that with the fact that we are in no-man's land for naps and we could have a recipe for disaster. Or be fine. You just never know. For instance, today Oscar will have 2 naps. He woke up at 6am and pretty much just laid on the floor in the kitchen just begging to be put down. So he is asleep. Other days he will play right on up until lunch and be fine. But the hard part is that you don't know what it will be until the moment comes.

Which makes it hard to go to church.

In hindsight, yesterday definitely should have been a 2 napper. But we decided to go to the 9:30 service based on the fact that it was closer to the time he woke up and we'd have a better chance of capitalizing on his good mood. But then that pesky little Separation Anxiety showed up and Oscar panicked when we walked into the building. We weren't even in the kid's area yet! This has been happening for the past few weeks and it's so frustrating for me. Since I stay home and enjoy the benefits of a relatively easy baby, I don't think I know how to properly deal with the fact that he hates the nursery right now. I want him to love it! To be social! To be everyone's favorite! Not the baby that cries all morning and probably drives the volunteers crazy. Yes, I know a lot of this is about me in the long run. I want to be able to relax and enjoy a 1 hour worship service. Is that too much to ask?

Honestly? Right now, yes. Oscar is normal. He is growing appropriately and learning about object permanence. And it's not as bad as it could be. He does fine in his crib and plays well on his own, though he does come and check in with hugs and kisses quite often! My theory is that now that he can really walk with confidence, he is starting to understand more about being apart and when we leave, he senses the distance. He does fine when we leave him with familiar faces like my Mom, Sister, or our friend Jessica, so I am thankful for that. It could always be worse.

I think another layer to my frustration is the possibility that I put too much pressure on the Sunday morning service. I look forward to it. And not just for the sermon. I enjoy the music, the atmosphere and yes, the social interaction. I just really really miss church! Being there and being present are two different things. I really get bent out of shape when we have to rush in and rush out because Oscar is losing it. And that's really not fair to him. I am the adult here. I have the ability to be logical and deductive and deal with it.

Yesterday was tough because Jerry decided to take charge and let me enjoy the service. The hard part for me though is concentrating when I know Oscar is having a hard time. It's not that I don't trust Jerry! I know he is fine. I just want Oscar to be ok without one of us back there. And then when they came in for the music, Oscar shunned me! Knife! Heart! I guess it was just too much for him and once he latched on to Dada, that was it. But you know? He is the baby. He gets to have time to learn and grow and figure things out. We are the parents, and we can deal with it. He will grow up before we know it and that time will come all too soon.

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