Becoming Mom: On Getting Paid
I always dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom. I knew that it might not be possible or that I might never be able to have children, so I prepared for life in an office too...just in case. I got my degree in Political Science, minored in Spanish and traveled to many places. I worked for 15 years in various office settings learning new things and increasing my earning potential. I never wanted a career, honestly. I really looked forward to being a mom. And then I was blessed, SO blessed with not only a healthy pregnancy, but the opportunity to stay home and raise Oscar.
Why then, did I start to worry about my value as a person once I stopped getting a paycheck? That was the slap in the face. I don't want to stop being a stay-at-home mom. I would just like my check please. I mean how else do I know that I am doing a good job? It's not like I can get fired. And after a life full of pats on the back, bonuses, and annual raises, sometimes I feel like I don't know how to qualify success.
It's not a climb-the-ladder thing. I don't want to get to the top. And it's not a money thing. While it would be nice to have some extra income, we are making it work for now on just Jerry's salary. Yet, all of a sudden I feel this need to contribute financially. Like I am somehow no longer pulling my weight. Of course, none of this is from Jerry. In fact, he said the nicest thing possible when we talked about this very thing. He told me, "but you ARE successful! Just look at Oscar, he's awesome".
And so I am learning to find my 'paycheck' in the little things. Oscar's satisfaction when he learns a new skill. Or when he says 'thank you' as I hand him his milk. Or gives me a big giant lick to the face which is his way of kissing at the moment. They are truly more valuable than anything I could earn in an office. And I get that. I love it. I stumbled across this blog which focuses on this very thing. I think it will come in super handy on those low self-esteem days. And who knows, I still might get a job one day that pays actual money. But for now, I am going to see each day as a bonus.
***image via blogpaycheck.com
4 comments:
You totally just wrote about my life!! I'm still waiting for my annual review. ;-)
I absolutely feel- or felt- your need to earn money. It has been a long process of letting go of that impulse. Having supported myself for years, and for years before that earning all my spending money, I was used to having that responsibility and not asking for money or even jointly making money decisions. It was my money. I earned it. I decided where it went: some for my pocket and some for my savings, and some for others. I was in possession of something and had the power to determine its purpose.
And yet there is joy when being in the possession of someone else- your child. You are theirs. Early on, it feels like you are constantly theirs, with no independence. Slowly, as you enable them to be independent, you gain some of your own back. And what you have done is ultimately not for your gain, not for your possession, not for you to decide where it goes. It is for you to give away, all of it, to find its own purpose. Children are our greatest investment, yet the reward is being able to watch them walk away. We do it because we, too, were able to walk away and continue this process of becoming.
Good luck to all of us as we continue on ours!
Wow, could not have said it better myself. I too have always been the bread winner for myself and my older daughter. So when my husband and I got married, moved into together and expanded our family, and I became a stay-at-home mom it was and is very difficult for me. I LOVE being home with the children, but have a very hard time not earning an income. I also have a hard time spending "his" money. He has absolutely no problem with me spending the money on myself, I just feel weird about it. I am use to having my own income and doing with it as I see fit.
Thank you so much for mentioning my blog Recognize and Remember www.sandrajo.wordpress.com
My daughters are now grown, but I truly can tell you that raising them provided me the best paychecks I have ever received. Mothering is worth every thing you give up - but your Mother's paycheck provides powerful treasures.
I always tell my MOPS Moms (Mothers of PreSchoolers) that "God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave you your children to mother." Enjoy your mothering journey and treasure each paycheck you receive.
I would love to feature your Mother's Paycheck - please send me your stories.
Blessings,
Sandra
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