Trust
So far the most difficult part of parenting for me has been trusting myself. I have always felt pretty maternal, nurturing and kind of figured I would be a natural at the whole mommy thing. But I have never second guessed myself so much! It's actually quite exhausting. I can't seem to just say, I am the mommy and this is how it is. Funny thing is, I don't feel natural at all. I have had a hard time relaxing and I am constantly wondering if I made the right choice for Oscar. Is he hungry? Tired, hot, cold, gassy, in a bad mood?? I am not generally this uptight and it's driving me crazy!
I do remember times of perfectionism in my life when I have been super stressed out trying to 'perform' well. I guess this is like that times 1000. I love reading all kinds of books and blogs and I don't see that stopping anytime soon, but I do think that my mind needs a drain for all of this information. For every parenting idea, there is another one saying NO don't do that, you'll destroy your child!!! I keep saying that if I care this much about doing the right thing, then I am sure I am getting it right at least some of the time. Of course what is right anyway? Every baby is different and you have to know YOUR baby... which is the hardest part! I grew up following instructions. My favorite toys were legos and I was an expert at building the most elaborate sets at a young age. It was simple, you just follow the instructions starting with step 1.
OK, so I did step 1. I had the baby. NOW WHAT??? I am looking forward to having some confidence again. Sometimes I feel guilty that the first few weeks have been so stressful for me. I have tried to be 'in the moment' and just enjoy the baby and I have in some cases. But if I am honest, I have not enjoyed a LOT of the past few weeks and I feel outside myself. I don't think it's PPD. I think it's just what comes with a massive life change and it just takes time. But I don't want to forget that I had these thoughts and had to work through them. Maybe it's all part of becoming mommy....is there a pot of wisdom at the end of this rainbow?
7 comments:
Oh Andrea...I could have SO written your blog post after I first had Emma. She is 16 months old now and I still feel like that--but only some days, not all the time ;) I PROMISE...it does get better! It gets easier. You still second guess EVERY parenting decision you make...but that is okay. You simply want what is best for your baby! It's okay :) Hopefully you talking about it helps some...and it seems like you have a wonderful husband to help you make the decisions. And you base those decisions on YOUR baby and YOUR family...not necessarily what a book says. It is still hard for me to do that. But~it does get easier and funner! Just wait! I promise! Also...I know you don't know me..but my husband and I went for V21 for a while...so I have heard/seen you sing, etc. Please don't think I am a crazy person ;)
Just keep your eyes focused on Jesus and everything else will fall into place :)
I know that it's hard, and it feels like you don't know what you are doing most of the time. When Trevor was only a few weeks old he wasn't sleeping right, i was kinda just letting him sleep when he wanted to and eat when he wanted to ...he was in charge. I took him to my mother in laws overnight because I was sick and I didn't want him to get sick. When I picked him up the next day she had put him on a schedule....I was amazed. I never even thought at such a young age that this was possible. I would keep him up until about 9pm after his afternoon nap just playing with him and trying to keep him focused on being awake (sometimes this didn't work ofcourse) and he would sleep until about 3 in the morning....wake up eat, then sleep until about 8am...this really allowed us to get more sleep and i just kept on the schedule and at 6 weeks he started sleeping thru the night.....I know all babies are different and my point to my story is THERE IS HOPE and it does get so much easier...if you ever need advice call me or email me I would be happy to help!!!! I love you
Yeah, me too. :) I've been doing this 17 weeks... and pretty much every day is a complete overanalysis of is this right, is that right... will I completely and utterly screw up my kid if I do blah blah blah?
Someone once told me that if you just assume you'll get it wrong most of the time, the times you do get it right are really awesome.
That and in therapist training we learned that if you love your child and tell them that frequently, you aren't going to screw them up. Remember - there are no perfect mothers, just good enough mothers.
Plus, you're the best mom Oscar's ever had - so you win! :)
Does somebody need a cookout milkshake?
Well, here's how I (Daniel) see it. We are completely overloading ourselves with every kind of parenting advice we can find, which creates multiple conflicting little voices in our heads. In the past, there was grandma and there was the baby, and this is the way it's done. Easy! Fortunately, somethings have improved on that front, but every culture seems to still be trying to figure out the baby raising game (even after thousands of years). It's good that we have so many good resources to turn to, but it's easy to let them tie our brains into knots.
Well, I have 6 years under my belt, and I still second guess myself everyday. I think there is a lot to be said for the confusion after reading lots of conflicting baby/parenting advice. I actually chucked any parenting books in the trash (literally) after getting frustrated with the opposite thoughts. I just figured, no matter what you do, someone will think it's right, someone will think it's wrong. So what's most important is you doing what feels right to you, and listening to yourself.
Personally I wasn't particularly fond of the entire first year. Mostly because of what you mention, the adjusting to change of you with baby, dad with baby, you with dad. It's all different and new and often overwhelming. One thing that's been a totally rewarding result of going through all of that, is looking at a new mommy and seeing her crazed eyes, and telling her. "I KNOW!! I've been there!! It can suck! I know you want to say it's all bumblebees and butterflies, but it's not, and you are not alone, and I did it, and YOU can too!" :-)
This may be no surprise to some but I was still having aha!-I-finally-get-it moments with baby # 3. Parenting is a constant act of faith...with a big serving of grace and a huge dollop of humor whenever you can manage a laugh.
Post a Comment