Why Skinny People Make Me Angry.
Honestly, it's not that people thinner than me are horrible. I'll just get that right out of the way. I love my thin friends and yes, even envy them and wonder just HOW they do it. But in many of the cases, they live just like me, only thinner. Luck of the draw? Good genes? "Forgetting" to eat? Whatever. The bottom line is, they are thin and I am not. But why?
I do know that I can eat. I can promise you with 100% certainty that I will NEVER forget to eat a meal. It's the highlight of my day (aside from spending time with my family) Comments like, "OH wow, this is huge, I could NEVER eat all that" will likely never come out of my mouth because yes, I COULD eat all that. And by the way are you gonna finish those fries? Not saying I do, but I definitely could. I mean really, you CAN'T? You are so thin that you just can't eat it? Really? Am I the only one that eats because it tastes good? Does that make me a glutton? I hope not.
Of course, my problem doesn't stop there. I also really really don't love to exercise. Well, I do love the elliptical machine, but I don't have one and a gym membership is still off the table at the moment. I am trying to walk and jog more and that is OK, but I would rather do it in an expensive neighborhood where at least I could gawk at the rich, skinny people and pretend that I am on my way to living like that.
Basically, weight loss pisses me off.
I know I need to do it because I am not satisfied where I am. I know it's unhealthy to be overweight and I want to set a good example for Oscar and any other children that might come along. It's a constant struggle. A CONSTANT STRUGGLE. I don't think I am ugly. But I had nothing to do with my face. I can thank my folks for that. What I can control, I don't seem to be doing a very good job at and it irritates me to no end. Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Is that just another excuse? How to you start a journey you don't really WANT to be on?
I love watching The Biggest Loser. I get really into it. And I get so mad when people who applied to be ON the show and have been watching season after season, complain that it's TOO hard. I mean come on! You KNEW it would be hard. Get over it! Sigh. It's so easy to yell that at the TV when I am sitting there on my couch eating a burrito.
Somewhere in my mind I want to want it more. It makes me mad that I don't seem to have the healthy thing down. Like, of the meals I cook at home, what would I feed Oscar? I don't want to feed him what we eat and that has really got me thinking. Our meals are delicious, yes, but they are serious comfort foods. We do baked chicken here and there, but more often than not, you will find Spaghetti, Pizza, Tacos, Mac and Cheese and sandwiches on the menu.
And that's when I get angry. I have salad in the fridge and every once in a while I think mmm, salad sounds great. But who really thinks that on a regular basis? And if the answer is most people, why am I not one of them? I'm mad because I want to WANT healthy things instead of forcing myself to go against everything that feels natural so I can fit in. I don't. If it's going to happen, I have to force it. That is just the way it is and it's exhausting.
17 comments:
I completely sympathize with the wanting to want healthier foods. I am very content eating cheese toast for every lunch, and when people say their kids eat what they eat, I'm thinking, gee I hope Daniel doesn't! I can't seem to develop a consistent appetite for raw, fresh things, and the fact that it spoils so quickly prevents me from buying it to begin with. Maybe we start with one meal a week and move up from there?
Personally I hate exercise too, and what scares me is the risk of heart disease for women. I want to be around longer for Daniel and hopefully to meet grand kids, but I am so not a runner. Yoga makes me giggle. I like swimming laps, but who's gonna hold my baby?
wait... did i write this?
No, I wrote this.
I keep thinking that I just need to find something active that I LIKE to do...like I need to join a team of some sort. But that kind of thing costs money and requires a time commitment I just can't make most semesters, with night classes and moving to Italy and all.
I will say, regarding food and cravings, that I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE cheese, and now that I don't eat it, I don't usually want it. There are times when it sounds really good, and here's my quasi-vegan confession: When I really REALLY want it, I eat it. But most of the time, it just does nothing for me any more. It takes some time, though, and a shift in mindset from "This is what I eat every day" to "I don't eat that."
Yes, yes, yes. I'm right there with you. I get a little angry that I have a husband that eats mostly the exact same stuff I do but can wear a women's size 4.
i wrote this...going to chew on it for a bit longer, and explain more.
It's so hard...especially when there is a baby thrown into the mix. You have to now worry about the food two people eat as opposed to one! It is hard!
Oh, and your views in regards to skinny people are the same as my views in regard to clean, organized people!
And Paige~yoga makes you giggle...that is so funny!
I want to take credit for writing this too. It IS really hard to make a change with eating habits.
I will say that I agree with Beth (NOT about going vegan though - can't do it). But about cutting something out and realizing that you just don't want it anymore... eventually. I know that a couple of years ago I swore off fast food. All fast food. If I could drive through and pick it up, I wasn't eating it. And that worked for a little less than a year. But all it took to knock me off the wagon was a couple of Taco Bell or Bojangle's runs here and there. Then it moved all of that stuff from the "I don't eat that" category to "I eat that only every now and then" and right back to "I eat that whenever I want it! Just because I want it!"
So I think for me it's really a lot about what I really want. If only I could have it all - the food and being skinnier. Blurg.
Haha man I am loving these comments. I think you are all right and it's just about will power. Stupid. Seriously, I would list eating as a hobby if it didn't make me sound like a hippo.
Can I just say... AT LEAST YOU LADIES HAVE BOOBS.
You crack me up!! You are at that hump that I think MOST moms hit after the baby comes....hang in there, your drive will come and the weight will come off!! If you can stomach it, Braggs Organic Apple Cider Vinegar with "the mother" might help you. I mix it with a little bit of juice and don't mind but some people can't stand it. It's worth a try! BTW, I wouldn't mind having my boobs back too!!
I like to think back to a time when I was a size 4 and guess how I did it...I didn't eat. Do you think I'll ever go back to that? No sir. Also, I think exercise is much more fun with friends. So call me.
OK, so before having a child, I realize that I ate whatever I wanted, when ever I wanted. Now I have to be careful... I have to say that thanks to Ellie Krieger (food network) I have found some seriously healthly food for my family that tastes great (do I sound like a commercial?)! Give her a try... The Tuscan Vegetable Soup rules:) And as for being a few sizes larger now, I'll take it! I feel stronger and healthier now than I did when I was thinner:) Still working on the boobs, though. That was a perk of being pregnant!
I think we can all relate, no matter what our weight or body type, to the frustration and irritation you feel. After having a baby I was sooo irritated that I couldn't instantly get my body back the way it was pre-baby. I have gradually increased my exercise habits- something I dragged my feet on forever. But I'm finally understanding what it means to be more active, and I feel better too. And I know what you mean about hating exercise. But I had to get really really frustrated to change my habits. Join a class to share the sweat and hard work with others! Maybe you can team up with other moms and take turns watching kids while the lucky mom gets some exercise. The stroller jogging class I joined was the beginning, and now I'm hooked!
And as far as food goes- it should be enjoyed and savored! The meals you mentioned don't have to be "unhealthy". Pizza, mac/cheese, tacos, etc have so much room for improvement. Just don't do what Paige does and fry cheese to eat from the skillet :) haha. Love ya paige (and I love cheese too!)
Give exercise and a healthier diet time- This is what I say over and over again. It's easy to get discouraged and not "see results". I think my biggest motivator in being healthy and strong for saffron. She is a total mimic and I am beginning to understand how my lifestyle will influence her habits. The other night she dragged the exercise bands out and started using them like we do AND counting (she's so smart!). Daniel and I couldn't believe it. It was scary how much she observed, and definately makes me want to continue healthy habits. You will find the motivation if it's important to you. (I see you have in your newest post) Get the hubby on board too! See you guys SOON!!
Give your self some credit...you had an 11 lb baby if I remember correctly (not many women can say that)!! I have always been told you have a year and after that then you need to worry. You still have time! Good Luck!
Thank you for your refreshing honesty about weight loss.
I'm a routine person, and I've never felt like I could really exercise, if I didn't have a routine for my day... yes, I'm anal!! Now that my youngest is almost 2 yrs, I can generally predict when he is going to wake up. I get up about 45 minutes before the boys and pop in a pilates video... something I enjoy. Many times, Gus just ends up watching me from the couch. He's my little coach. He says, "You're doing a great job, Mommy." One of your commentors also mentioned that her child mimics her exercises. Gus did the same thing. He laid back, threw his feet in the air, and started pumping his arms = his attempt at the "Hundreds"... he was really good. He said, "Look, mommy, I'm exercising.
For me, I've been exercising to have more energy to play with my boys. I also use the playtime with the boys as exercise. When they were babies, I would lay on my back and bounce them on my legs or swing them around... anything to get my heart rate up. I must admit that I've also put in kids music CDs and done goofy, Wiggles-type moves for them. It makes them laugh and gives me some exercise.
For food, I'm a sucker for desserts. If I could, I'd have a cookie (or two, or three, or four) every night, I would do it. Well, we've decided to have no desserts during the week, except for one day. We choose Fridays... we plan it all week and have a really yummy dessert. I find that I enjoy the dessert more!
I've really only lost 5 lbs in the month we've been doing it. But, hey, if I keep it up (5 lbs/month), maybe that could be 60 lbs in one year!! I don't think I want to lose that much... maybe 40 would be nice.
Just like the tortoise and the hare... steady wins the race!!!
Sorry that this is such a long comment!
Seriously. I think we can all relate to this. I think as soon as the baby is born you are constantly comparing yourself physically to every other post-pregnant mother and wondering what they look like - how did they get that way? Why not me? Something I never did before.
It becomes such a self-esteem issue. I took for granted the way my body looked before Audrey. Now, almost 2 years later, I'm close to where I was before, maybe even healthier than I was, but honestly, I'll never look the same because of complications. That makes me frustrated, especially when it seems to me that's not the issue with most other mom's. I feel shallow for letting that bother me but it does.
I've found the key is finding flattering clothes for your body shape and just accepting the fact that things change. "Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change ..."
Meanwhile, I focus on the things that I can change: I still eat like a horse, but healthfully, and take a nice long walk every morning with Audrey in tow in the stroller which is good for me on lots of levels.
Man, I love eating too. I'll do really well with healthy eating for a week or two (my sister, you know the one, the one getting her master's in nutrition[!] lived with us for several months and I picked up some habits from her), but then I lapse into just plain convenient as soon as I can. I'll agree with the people who say food habits lead to more habits - if you just get used to eating fresh fruits and veggies you'll keep it up and it helps you feel better and you like that. Or I do anyway.
What is it about Biggest Loser that makes me want to eat while watching?
And I can put away some food too. I feel like I eat at least as much as Mike does! Heaven help me when Micah stops nursing...
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