5 Months

Oscar is 5 months old. It's hard to believe. I know I say that every month but it truly is. He is such a joy and the perfect addition to our family. Jerry is an amazing father and I have been learning so much as a mother. I have been in a constant state of upheaval that I can only describe as transformation. It's been much harder than I ever expected. I find myself feeling guilty a lot of the time because my reactions to things aren't what I expected them to be. I hope that one day I will be able to blog about how far I've come, but still I am in the thick of the journey. I still have so many doubts and each time I feel confident, something changes and it knocks me over. I wish I could say I handled these times with grace, but more than likely, I retreated to my safe place and ate donuts.

I have no regrets. It's all part of it. I tend to think I will laugh when I look back at these times and wonder what I ever had to complain about. Once my mommy-amnesia kicks in and I become one of those people who say, oh Oscar was such an easy baby. We just had a great time all the time. And, man I don't remember if I felt that way or not. For now, I am fully aware of my shortcomings and mishaps and questions and nagging pressures that are mostly self-imposed. That's where I am at 5 months.

Oscar is an entirely different story! He is thriving and loving life. He still isn't rolling over very much but he will do it from time to time. He tends to scoot around in circles with his butt as the axis. I have found him turned completely 180 degrees in his crib on more than one occasion. He loves his toys, especially Buzz the Bug by Lamaze and his Monkey from Old Navy. He loves to play with his blankets and is really getting into his stacking cups. He loves eating from a spoon and then playing with the spoon and trying to drink from a real cup. He has zero interest in sippy cups. He is also losing interest in his pacifier. Up until the past week or so, he would take his paci at bed/naptimes and then again after I nursed him in the middle of the night. Now he only uses it to fall asleep initially and doesn't want it after a night feed. We only use it for sleeping so I see it phasing out over time. He loves it when we made hard consonant sounds and blow raspberries! He is so ticklish. Loves to laugh at Daddy and pet Krusty's fur. He sits well in a high-chair and bumbo and when in his bouncy seat he tries to sit up and can maintain a crunch for over 30 seconds...it's amazing! He is a HUNGRY boy. That one is hard for me to keep up with but I am trying. He's wearing mostly 6 month sizes and some 9months. He still isn't sleeping in very long chunks. Most nights he is up every 3-4 hours and every now and then we'll get a heavenly 6 hour stretch, though not often. Every morning he wakes up and happily plays in his crib, making sounds to himself or his mirror. He gets the cutest cheese grin when we go in to get him and Jerry and I often fight over who gets to do it. He's growing up so fast!

It's an honor to be his mama.